Sunday, May 13, 2018

A short lesson about forgiving

I’ll be honest with you – Mothers’ Day always depresses me because I hated my mother! I hated her for being a chain-smoking, alcoholic prostitute who caused me to have an ugly scar on my nose in her attempt to abort me with a knitting needle.

I hated her for giving me up at birth and then jerking me out of my foster home at the age of 9 to live with her and her new, American Army sergeant husband - a raving pedophile who sexually abused me for many years. (The law said she couldn’t leave Germany unless all the children she had given away were adopted, and my foster parents were unable to adopt me).

I hated her for giving me away when I was only six weeks old, to a dirt-poor, middle-aged couple on welfare, who lived in a three-room shack without electricity or running water. I hated her for ultimately ending up marrying and divorcing 8 times, causing endless uproar and chaos in the lives of me and my younger half-brothers who were forced to change “fathers” and schools at the drop of a hat. I hated her for sleeping with my first husband on the night before my wedding….

I HATED my mother for myriad reasons, until the day she died at the age of 45, when it finally dawned on me that, “mistake” or not, without her, I wouldn’t be here.

It was at that point that I began to miss her and wished we could have figured out a way for us to close the gap and communicate. The couple attempts I had made at communication, failed miserably because she was appalled at the idea that I harbored some ill feelings toward her. In her mind, she was the only person on the planet who was allowed to have feelings.

While I was able to admit that “I actually DID love her because she was my mother,’ I could NOT bring myself to let go of the anger, disappointment and endless misery her life’s choices had caused me.

But all that changed the day the Ruach haKodesh (Holy Spirit) got a hold of me at the age of 44, and taught me how to forgive. Not to forget, but to FORGIVE so that the past could no longer hold me captive. Everything changed when I discovered that we are to honor our mothers and fathers. (Not necessarily to “love” or even “like” them, but to HONOR them – Exodus 20:12.)

That’s when it hit me that I – a sinner like my mother – had no right to judge her or wish her in hell; for we all make mistakes and poor choices along life’s many paths, where especially the “unsaved” tend to take all the wrong turns.

Yes, things changed when the Ruach opened my eyes and I was able to admit that I, too, had been living aimlessly with the consequences of some poor choices and decisions I had made over the course of my life. Things changed exponentially the day I accepted יהוה as my God and realized Y’shua had died to redeem me and to show me a “better way”….

If you are among those who, for whatever reason, has a hard time with the concept of Mothers’ Day, then I would urge you to turn your feelings over to ADONAI and “just let go,” because He cannot do anything with those who refuse to drop their “baggage.”

Allow the Ruach to show you how to forgive and thus free yourself from the demons of your past. You are HIS child, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and you deserve to be freed from captivity. He did it for the Israelites and He can certainly do it for you! All you have to do is ask.

Psalm 51:2-5 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. (ESV)

Ecclesiastes 7:20 Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. (ESV)

Isaiah 43:25 25 I, yes I, am the one who blots out your offenses for my own sake; I will not remember your sins. (CJB)

Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (ESV)

1 John 1:9. But if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all our iniquity. (AENT)

Acts 3:19 Repent therefore and turn back, for the blotting out of your sins, in order that times of refreshing might come from the presence of the Master, 20 and that He sends יהושע Messiah, pre-appointed for you, 21 whom heaven needs to receive until the times of restoration of all matters, of which Elohim spoke through the mouth of all His set-apart prophets since of old.

22 “For Mosheh truly said to the fathers, ‘יהוה your Elohim shall raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brothers. Him you shall hear according to all matters, whatever He says to you.

23 ‘And it shall be that every being who does not hear that Prophet shall be utterly destroyed from among the people.’ (ISR; see also Deut. 18:18-20.)


  1. Someone named Rebecca saw fit to send me this vitriolic reprimand, which was so long, I'll have to post it in two separate posts:

    You recently posted about forgiveness on your blog. I wasn t able to get through the whole thing because by the time you actually started to talk about forgiveness, I felt so emotionally drained. As a reader, you lost all credibility with me on the topic because of the seemingly endless amounts of vile loathing, hatred, anger, bitterness, and sheer desire to completely destroy your mother that came through in the first half or more of the post. True forgiveness means that you have let go of that anger and resentment for your own sake. Real forgiveness is about not allowing yourself to be eaten up inside by those feelings of hatred, anger, bitterness, loathing, and the desire to destroy others because it s these things that will destroy you inside. Why would any reader of your blog believe anything you have to say about forgiveness when you obviously are still extremely resentful and hateful of those in your life who have caused you harm and pain? We are told to love even our enemies. This includes family, relatives, and those people who have hurt us. Why would God allow anyone into His kingdom knowing that they are filled with the desire to destroy others in this manner? Why would God allow you into His kingdom knowing that you will behave in such a way as to completely destroy others? God feels very strongly about people who don t treat their parents with respect and dignity.
    -Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother -Exodus 21:15 He that smites his father and mother shall be put to death -Exodus 21:17 he that curses his father or mother shall be put to death -Leviticus 19:3 you shall fear every man his mother and his father -Leviticus 20:9 for every one that curses his father or his mother shall be surely put to death. He has curses his father or mother. His blood shall be on him.
    -Deuteronomy 5:16 Honor your father and mother -Deuteronomy 27:16 Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother -Proverbs 20:20 Who so curses his father and mother, his lamb shall be put out in obscure darkness -Matthew 15:4 Honor your father and mother and he that curses father or mother, let him die -Matthew 19:19 Honor your father and mother and love your neighbor as yourself.
    There are more verses, but I think you get the point. You ll notice that the penalty for failing to respect your parents is death. When looked at from God s perspective, what could possibly motivate Him to allow anyone into His kingdom knowing that they will spew such hatred for others?

  2. Continuation of Rebecca's email concerning my blog on forgiving:

    This isn t loving your enemies. This is destroying your enemies with words. You just happen to be related to them. True or not, this kind of speech could also be interpreted as slander, the evil tongue, gossip, and many other negative things that also don t go over well with God. If you had truly forgiven your mother, you wouldn t feel the need to go on and on about how evil she was. I m not saying that it s easy. It s very hard especially when it s someone who was suppose to protect you and they violate that. If you had truly forgiven her, maybe you might be disappointed that she didn t choose to be a better person. After all, isn t it s God s desire that we all be saved... even her? If you had truly forgiven her, maybe you might be brought to tears at your complete heartbreak at all the lost potential for good that she failed to take hold of in her life. By focusing on the pain your mother caused you and how evil she was, you are reopening those emotional wounds over and over again and refusing to allow yourself to heal. God keeps trying to heal you and you won t let Him.
    It s obvious that you are a passionate person. That comes through loud and clear in everything your write. However, much of the time, your intended message gets lost in all that passion and emotion. As a reader, often the message I get from you is the intense emotions that you are feeling and the message that you are trying to send doesn t come through because it s being overshadowed by the passion. Passion can be good, but it can also be bad. It s good when we direct it and mold it to help us make a point, but it s bad when it takes control of us and sends it s own message that we never intended. I ve learned through my own writing that whatever I m focused on when I write is what others are focused on when they read what I ve written. If I m focused primarily on sending a message, then they hear the message, but if I m focused mostly on the emotions, then they will focus on the emotions. You have some great messages on your website and on your blog! That s why I was drawn to your site in the first place, but I couldn t seem to get myself to stay because of all the negative, emotionally draining, often angry, emotions that kept coming through. Please don t be mad at me for saying all this. I mean it in love and for your own well being.

    -Matthew 6:15 but if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses



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