HOW THE SINS OF THE FATHER ARE PASSED DOWN TO THEIR CHILDREN…

While having a snack with my husband at a local coffee shop recently, I noticed a man sitting at a nearby table with a curly-haired little boy sporting a pony tail. The father made absolutely no effort to converse with, or entertain the child in any way. He just sat there, ignoring him while casting occasional frustrated glances around the room, and at the overhead television set. (It seemed to me, he was apparently waiting for his wife to return from grocery shopping, next door.)

All the while, the child, having nothing to keep himself occupied, sat silently in his chair, squirming around a bit in obvious boredom. After some minutes, casting a furtive glance at his Dad, I watched him reach for a large notebook-type zipper bag lying at the edge of the table, to remove something that resembled a pamphlet or small magazine, which he then quietly began to peruse.

For some reason, this angered the father, who promptly jerked the pamphlet out of the child’s hand and began to grill him as to why he did that. This went on for at least a minute or more, while the little boy, terror splashed across his countenance, kept shrugging his shoulders, clearly unable to come up with a response.

(While I couldn’t hear exactly what was being said, I surmised that, that is what was happening, because I grew up in a household with a mean-spirited, control-freak adoptive father, who was always yelling and screaming and forcing me and my little brother to “explain why” we were doing something, and then – when we couldn’t come up with an instant response - he would thump us on the forehead with his knuckles, or grab us by the shoulders, fingers digging in with a vice-like grip, in hopes of shaking an answer out of us …)

Anyway, when the little boy couldn’t answer, the man angrily shoved the pamphlet back into the zipper bag with a force, and shook his head, as if to leave no doubt in the child’s mind that he was a stupid and worthless troublemaker.

At that point, I had seen enough, and decided to do something for that poor little boy who sat there, quaking, dejectedly looking down at his hands, clearly not knowing what to else to do. So, I quickly took a pen from my purse, grabbed a napkin, and drew a little puppy on it, and – taking a deep breath to steady my nerves - made my way over to their table.

“Hello,” I said sweetly, giving the father and little boy a big smile, while holding up the napkin for them to see. “Sorry to bother you,” I said, looking at the father, “but I couldn’t help noticing what a gorgeous child you have, and was wondering if it would be okay for me to give him this little puppy to maybe try to copy or color in with a pen or pencil, or something? He looks so bored.”

The man stared blankly at me for a second, then forced a thin smile and nodded.

Now, I didn’t know this man from Adam, but I could sense that he had a mean, cold spirit, and so, to keep him from becoming angry at the thought that I was just some meddling old lady who had overheard him reprimanding his son, I decided to employ a little psychology, to keep him from taking it out on the little boy.

“Your little boy is simply adorable,” I said sweetly, looking him straight in the eye.  “He looks just like you.  How old is he?”

“Four,” the man replied with a smile that no longer looked forced.

“Well, he’s such a good, well-behaved little boy.  You must be SO proud of him!”

With another big smile at that little boy, I said goodbye and turned to rejoin my husband at our own table, fervently saying a silent prayer that my actions had given that little boy a small spark of hope and happiness … and that I had, perhaps, sowed at least a tiny seed in the father to help him realize what a Shmuck he was...

HERE IS THE GIST OF MY STORY: Without going into any deep, psychological discourse, the simple and common-sense truth is that our own behavior patterns determine whether or not our families end up blessed or cursed! The Bible tells us what God considers “good” or “bad.” Example:

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ humility, self control. Nothing in the Torah stands against such things. ²⁴ Moreover, those who belong to the Messiah Yeshua have put their old nature to death on the stake, along with its passions and desires. ²⁵ Since it is through the Spirit that we have Life, let it also be through the Spirit that we order our lives day by day. (CJB)

The bottom line is: Little children NEED love and attention. They are like little sponges, constantly absorbing everything around them – both good and bad. If what they see and/or experience is goodness, kindness, gentleness, healthy family relationships, and everything that God considers GOOD, then they will normally follow suit, growing into happy, healthy, GOOD adults who will ultimately pass those traits into their own children.

But if they experience the kind of parent I witnessed at that coffee shop, chances are, they will tend to become that proverbial “chip off the ol’ block,” behaving just like their parents and becoming abusive adults who pass on all those negative traits on to their own children and grandchildren … thus causing them to live in SIN:

Deuteronomy 5:9 … for I, Adonai your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sins of the parents, also the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 10 but displaying grace to the thousandth generation of those who love me and obey my mitzvot. (CJB)

Exodus 34:5 ADONAI descended in the cloud, stood with him there and pronounced the name of Adonai. ⁶ Adonai passed before him and proclaimed: “YUD-HEH-VAV-HEH!!! Yud-Heh-Vav-Heh [Adonai] is God, merciful and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in grace and truth; showing grace to the thousandth generation, forgiving offenses, crimes and sins; yet not exonerating the guilty, but causing the negative effects of the parents’ offenses to be experienced by their children and grandchildren, and even by the third and fourth generations.” (CJB)

In other words: The sins of the fathers are punished in the children through becoming the sins of the children. (Exodus 20:5; Numbers 14:18)

The generations to come who experience the penalty of the fathers’ sins are those who hate ELOHIM– meaning, they are either atheists or “lukewarm,” and refusing to live according to His Divine Instructions in Righteousness (Torah); nor follow the examples of YHWH’s Divine Messiah, Yeshua.

When the father’s sins are visited on the children it is because the children are sinful – in large part, BECAUSE their formative years were filled with abuse and/or endless negativity, something that was permanently “embedded” in them, and which they never even recognized in themselves so that they could bring about change.

HOWEVER, the good news is, because of God’s grace, through Messiah, whenever children recognize these traits in themselves, they CAN confess their own sins, which means the sins of their fathers and be forgiven and accepted by ADONAI.

Once they confess their misdeeds/iniquity along with those of their fathers, their uncircumcised heart is humbled and they are able to make amends, then YHWH will remember His covenant with Ya’akov” (Leviticus 26:39-42). This means that the words of Exodus 34:5-7 are NOT nullified by the generational migration of sin! (Exodus 34:5-7)

IN CLOSING, I WOULD ASK YOU TO HELP ME PRAY for this poor little boy I encountered at the coffee shop. It was so obvious to me that he is stuck in an abusive relationship that will ultimately cause him to behave the same way his father behaved. Please pray for the father’s heart to be softened towards his child/children so that the whole family can be healed and become everything ADONAI wants them to be….