It all started with the Apostle Paul … who wrote:
"Do, we then nullify Torah by faith? May it never be! On the contrary, we establish Torah." (Romans 3:31).
That is the very verse that caused me to realize "something was wrong in church" - 26 years ago, just months after Abba opened my spiritual eyes to Him and HIS Truth!
I realized this because, I had tons of questions as I was reading my way through the Bible; but every every time I asked my Baptist pastor something (such as, "Since we're all one in Christ, why aren't WE keeping the Seventh Day Sabbath and Feasts?), his answers always included things like, “That was just for the Jews and the death of Jesus abolished all that. Today we live under grace alone. You need to realize, Carmen - it’s Jesus plus NOTHING!”
And then, he would send me to the writings of Paul, many of which seemed to negate "the law"...
I tried my best to believe my pastor, but some of the things he said simply didn’t “feel right” to me! Paul wasn’t divine, and I wondered WHY he would have had the authority to change what Jesus had taught, or what his Father had originally commanded to be done "forever" and “throughout your generations."
Jesus himself had even said so in Matthew 5:17-20, via certain phrases that smacked me square in the face in the realization that “everything that must happen" had NOT happened yet; and that "heaven and earth had NOT yet passed away”…
The bottom line was that one day, I finally admitted to myself that my beloved pastor – with his Masters in Divinity and decades of pastoring - had clearly been MISUNDERSTANDING something!
And so, I began to a little "church hopping" to see what other pastors had to say, and to find out how THEY would answer my questions! But, their answers weren't much different. SOMETHING seemed to be "missing" in ALL the churches I checked out!
Despondent, I came home one Sunday and literally threw myself face-down onto the floor, begging God to SHOW me exactly why I kept having this nagging feeling about the things being taught in churches. I was sick and tired of having pastors tell me I should stop trying to "put myself back under the law!"
I mean – WHAT was supposedly WRONG with God’s LAWS??? WHY would He suddenly reverse everything He had commanded and allow “Christians” – just because they were non-Jews – to NOT obey His “forever” commands? WHY would God have sent His Messiah to give different rules to Christians?
I mean, Adam and Eve weren’t Jews! Neither was anyone else until the third Patriarch, Jacob had a son named Judah (where the term “Jew” originated!) Yet, THEY ALL had rules to follow….Yet, Christians were somehow so special that THEY didn’t need any rules and were to simply “just believe in Jesus plus nothing?”
I did NOT buy that!
Well … God didn't respond immediately (which was very disappointing); however, for approximately six months, I kept hearing this little voice in my head, telling me to sell all my possessions and move to a certain State! (Trust me - I didn't WANT to move - much less, SELL my house and all my possessions - and I kept thinking, "This CAN'T BE FROM GOD!!!)
Well, it WAS, and so I finally gave in, sold everything and moved. But, I honestly didn't understand WHY He had wanted me in this new place, because nothing was happening, and I was super unhappy, and often left wondering if I had even really heard “the Voice of God”...
But one day, just like that - BAM! – everything changed! Through some really unexpected circumstances, YHWH caused me to end up in a Messianic Torah study led by a Rabbi who taught things I had never heard before, completely negating many of the things I had learned in my former church!
...Well, as always, I paid really close attention, and I KNEW in the depths of my soul, that I had FINALLY found the answers to ALL my questions! And I have been thanking YHWH, ever since for causing me to be able to discern HIS Truth from what “the world” has been passing off as “truth”….