Well, with Mothers Day now starting to grind to a halt shortly, I would like to post something for those who become sad or angry about "Mothers" or "Fathers" Day, for whatever reason. I want you to know there are some of us who understand that many do NOT have happy childhood memories, and that these special days honoring our parents are extremely PAINFUL. I'm actually one of those people....
For those who don't know my story, I'm among those who has never had children BECAUSE of my rotten childhood. You see, I was a sexually abused baby, child and teenager. I hated my mother (a prostitute in Germany) who gave me away at birth and then had to get me back when I was almost 9, because she couldn't leave Germany with her new American husband, unless all the kids she had given away, were adopted. (There were 3 of us.)
I was living with welfare parents who couldn't adopt me, and so I ended up being yanked out of my loving (albeit, poor) foster home and taken away to America and dumped into a third-grade classroom, not speaking a word of English. There never was any explanation as to why she gave me away; just an uncaring "deal with it" attitude.
Her new American soldier husband (the second of 8!) was a raving pedophile who sexually abused me from age 9 until she divorced him when I was 14. My life was an absolute living hell.
It was no secret that my mother hated me; she treated me like her little slave, "chief cook and bottle washer" and baby sitter for her other kids. She never had any praise for me; only negativity and put-downs that have kept me feeling worthless and ugly to this very day!
I truly HATED her until her untimely death at age 45. Once she was gone, however, I realized that, if nothing else, she was my mother and it was because of her that I was here ... even though she had tried to abort me with a knitting needled. (I still have the scar on my nose as proof...)
As soon as I graduated from High School, I joined the Army, in hopes of leaving my horrific life behind...but satan has a way of keeping you on that "merry-go-round rut" from which there is no escape....
I finally DID escape after my Army retirement at the ripe ol' age of 44, ONLY because, unbeknownst to me, YHWH had kept me on a narrow path that led straight to Him. Suddenly, my life was turned upside-down (in a good way!) and I ultimately found that elusive PEACE I had so desperately been searching for all my life - a peace that allowed me FINALLY unhook myself from the memories of my unloving, self-centered mother and all her husbands, and my entire horrible mess of a past!
That peace came when I realized how utterly LOST my mother had been - and that she was lost BECAUSE of all the curses in her bloodline and sins that had been passed down through the generations. I wept not only for her, but for myself for having been smart enough to NOT have my own children, who would surely have been touched by those same curses! (Three of my four half-brothers on my mother's side, had children who have, in one way or another, been affected by those curses....) In other words, that proverbial curses "buck" in my life, stopped with ME! Halleluyah!
And so I stopped hating mother and prayed that she "got saved" before her death in 1977. As for my supposedly "Christian" pedophile adoptive father - I let go of my hatred for him, as well, because I know he WILL stand before YHWH on Judgment Day to explain himself....He's simply not my problem anymore. My focus is on YHWH and how HE caused me to remain "sane" enough to be able to find my way to Him! Everything else is really irrelevant, in the grand scheme of things.
Today, I always tell people, no matter what your relationship with your parents is, LET GO, and just HONOR them because they're the reason you're here. You don't have to love them or even like them, but you do have "honor them." according to Scripture. Concentrate your efforts on YHWH/Yeshua/Torah and don't give in to satan's attempts to keep you in the past. The past is gone and the future is in the Kingdom. What you do TODAY will impact that future, so be very careful to immerse and surround yourself with YHWH's life-giving Torah.
Philippians 3:13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, (ESV)
Genesis 19:26 But Lot's wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. (ESV)
Isaiah 43:18-19: Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. (ESV)
I thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to move forward and not dwell on painful events. I was led by our father to the truth, and my eyes are open to understand the word so much deeper. The part that is hard, is that we are so scattered, it has not been easy to connect with likeminded believers, I'm out here in Southern CA, and still in search to have gatherings.ReplyDelete
Thanks again for all you do.
Thank you for sharing YOUR story, as well, and may YHWH continue to heal you!Delete
Thank you so much for sharing to us so we might know HIM fully in a real life. Hallelu-YAH!!!ReplyDelete
Candido, I know what you mean. I am in N.C. and whatever group that was in my town is no more. The best I can do is learn from the few online sources I feel comfortable with, and share back & forth with several others I know in other states (2 of whom are family members, yay!).Delete
Sahli, I agree with the honoring thing. Even though I wasn't Torah observant when my girls were growing up, I did tell them that even if they didn't HAVE respect for their father, hated him or hated what he did, they still needed to honor him. I don't know if it did any good, but at least I tried to teach them what I felt was right in "God's" eyes.